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| 1999 Jail Diary #1 |
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Hmmm … Well, John came down to medium [security] today. We didn’t get him in our unit. They put him in with Moe. I was hoping he’d be in here, but I suppose he’ll like it more over there cause it’s a bit more lively. I can go over and play cards pretty well anytime I want anyway.
I was supposed to start working out today, but Moe and John didn’t come to gym to help me, so I played Snooker instead. I beat Abby and advanced to the finals. It was a pleasure to beat Abby because he’s such a sore loser.
I think I’d be a much better player if my eyesight was better. I’m starting to feel fat and I don’t like it. Eating junk food is one of the few pleasures I have in here, but it’s making me fat. I weigh 179 pounds which is probably the heaviest I’ve ever been. I’m having pains in my stomach lately. At first I thought it was just hunger but it isn’t. It feels like the time when I took [indiscipherable] every day for months and, I think, it ate away the lining of my stomach.Looks like I’ll have to talk to the beast, [the nurse], about it. Skeptical bitch, I don’t like her. I despise her. I can’t think of anyone I like less. Bitch. May the fleas of a thousand camels infest her armpits …
I was the pool tournament tonight against Dwayne. I’m a Skittle King. So far we got Crib and Pool. Tomorrow I try for Snooker.
I got woken up at five o’clock this morning for a piss test. That’s okay, I’m clean.
Sharkey took me down to the staff lounge to mop the floor like a slave this morning. I went peacefully. After that, I went to the gym to try my first work out. Moe and Dwayne showed me what to do. I didn’t get any bigger today but if I keep it up, I guess that will come.
After lunch (donairs – my favorite meal here) I went outside with John, David, Richard and Moe. It was actually kinda nice out, kinda peaceful and relaxing. And this afternoon I wrote some letters to the chip company (about the state of chips), the chocolate bar company (about the mold on the Wonderbars) and the cracker company (I want to know why there’s always two crackers with burnt edges in every pack). Nothing too important, but I want to see what kind of response I get. So far, this week is going by quickly. So far, so good. Yeah.
My arms are sore today from the work out I did yesterday. I guess I have, as Moe put it “let myself deteriorate to a deplorable physical condition.”
Spent a lot of time in Moe’s unit playing cards today (playing Prediction, John taught me how to play Rummy.)
Dwayne got a chocolate bar this morning that had grey stuff all over it. The Canteen guy shouldn’t be allowed to get away with this.
There were some women here talking to inmates, asking what it’s like here. I didn’t see them but they are supposed to back tomorrow.
Went outside again today. It was kinda cold; think I’ll not be doing that again for awhile.
Tonight I chaired my first AA meeting. I like to think I did a pretty good job. No complaints from the Peanut Gallery anyway. And tonight I called [Janine], told her to say only good things to the parole guy if he calls. Talked to [Valerie] for a sec.
I’m reading a book by Carl Sagan, “Brocas Brain”, which is really interesting.
I went to the gym with John and Moe this morning (John insisted) for my second work out. John was torturing me so I snuck out a bit early. My arms were sore.
This evening I won the Snooker tournament so now I’m the official Skittle King of Sleepy Hollow. I found out that I like Skittles. I passed them out to the guys in the unit when I came back from the gym. And I learned 3 new card games: Rummy, Knock Gin and Kings Corner (from John Runhard?? and Dwayne respectively). Card games help the time go by faster.
I finished my parole paper and attempted to get my case worker, Dave, to pass it on but it seems that he’s an asshole. I’m going to ??? ??? tomorrow. My father was supposed to visit this evening, he was in town to pick up my mother at the airport. Hope she came back with some good news.
All in all, I’m fairly content here but I look forward to moving on, getting back to the big city (Toronto). I don’t think I’m cut out for the slow pace of PEI. I’ve always wanted to live in a city. I’m grateful that after all the shit I’ve been through these last 2 years, in going to get that opportunity.
Each week I look forward more and more to the weekend. Tonight we were able to stay up and watch 2 episodes of South Park. One of the guards, Wilfred, come in and watched it with us.
Most nights now we are able to go to the gym and work out at nine o’clock. I’m not as sore as I was last time, but I am getting fat and that concerns me.
[Counselor] got pissed off at me today. Strangely, I enjoy making her mad. I put in a couple of silly requests, one asking for funds to hire a secretary preferably female and one asking to rezone out unit to commercial so we could sell crack. She takes things far too seriously.
She also gave me a copy of the correction act, but she gave me one that was old (92) and had some pages missing. So I put in a request which was kind of rude, she thought, and again she got pissed at me. Ha ha. The good part is (well besides seeing her get mad and not being able to do anything about it) was that I gave her my parole plan and I think she’ll get it in for me. She seemed helpful about that. We had a new female guard here today, not bad looking, but Jennifer didn’t bring us pills this week, that’s too bad. I guess on good thing about the weekend is that I don’t have to see Nurse xxx.
I called Wayne this evening I didn’t have a whole lot to talk to talk to him about, but I like to keep in touch. I’d like it if he too moved to Ontario.
I’m going over to the other unit quite a bit to play cards lately. It seems more fun around here since John moved in. He’s kind of a jolly guy. All the guys in that unit, in medium [security] actually are alright except maybe Abby. He can be a bit of a pinhead and he cheats at cards. Doesn’t really bother me that much, but I’m glad he’s not in our unit.
We watched Oz tonight too. It seems to be a pretty good show. I’ll probably like it a lot when I get to know the characters. Right now Andrew just found out that someone ([Terrence]) soaked his bed and put crackers all through it. He’s stomping around, pissed off. I offered him a set of sheets, as I have an extra set. No I think I’ll go to bed and read more of Bracas Brain.
I was up at nine o’clock this morning to go to the gym for a workout. I stayed with Richard this morning and followed him through his exercises which I found easier and more logical than John and Moe’s. Then I went back to bed ‘til 3 o’clock. And then I played some cards, watched some TV – pretty average day, but a reasonably pleasant day.
This morning I set the clock ahead 2 hours and told Andrew to get up for lunch. It was kinda funny. Other than that nothing too interesting happened, no confrontations with guard, etc. “Superscrew” is working tonight, so we have to go to bed at eleven and then get up after he leaves at twelve (if one of the better guards comes on). Woody might be working, but he’s a bit of a pinhead.
I wasn’t able to get to call home tonight when I tried it was busy and then all the slots were taken. I was thinking that they might come in tomorrow, but I guess it’s going to storm, so that’s not likely. Looks like we’ll be stormstayed. Oh well …
The biggest news here today is that George Murphy was stabbed to death last night and Jody was brought out here today. Strangely, I feel more sorry for Jody than for George. I liked George, but I felt that he was fucking up Jody’s life. I had thought before that I would have liked to tell her to stay away from him because she was staying off drugs and after he got out of jail he was using heavily and staying at her place and beating her too I guess. The details, I suppose, will come in tomorrow …
I defeated Moe at Scrabble this afternoon. It was a major victory because he’s never lost a game in the year that he’s been here. Until he played me. I got a message today that Anne called. I thought it was Anne T and tried to call her back, but later I figured out that it was Anne from Toronto. I wish I could call her back, but I can only call collect and I don’t want to do that. My mother called her when she was in Toronto this week, but got no answer. She didn’t call any treatment centres while she was up there either which is disappointing. It seems that I can’t rely on anyone to do something for me, and it’s so hard to get anything done from in here.
My mother told me that the cops gave 900 bucks back to [Janine], but [Janine] apparently decided that she was keeping the money. She did eventually give up 300, but I’m not happy with that. She has no right to take it for herself. I’m going to call her tonight and try to straighten her out. Sometimes she can be such a stupid bitch. Why must she play stress?? Head games.
Well, the latest rumor about George is that it was not a stabbing, but an overdose, possibly with dilaudid. [nurse2] was released this morning. Even though he’s dead either way I’m glad it didn’t happen as we first thought. This is the first I’ve heard of a dilaudid overdose around here. I’m wondering how many deaths I would be responsible for if I were to bring heroin to the island. Sooner or later it will come here and with the way our societys approach to drugs are deaths will increase. ??? Sad but true.
Nobody woke me for the gym this morning, so I didn’t work out. I’m kinda disappointed about that. I don’t wanna be fat.
I heard this morning, from Dave Faithful, that I may not be able to get into the Summerside Treatment Centre until June or July. That sucks. I hope he’s wrong. I really hope he’s wrong.
I had another argument with [Counselor] today. She was pissed at me for putting in silly requests (to see priest for exorcism, to see the vet because my dog is getting fat). She threatened to send me to minimum [security] so I think I’ll cease with that for awhile.
She gave me another copy of the Corrections Act, which too was incomplete, so I persisted ‘til she gave me a good one. I enjoyed aggravating her. But on the bright side, she told me that there were crossword puzzles available from George N. I’ll be seeing him tomorrow. I’m also going to ask [Counselor] to go over some of the regulations with me, see if I can get her going again. The other guys get a kick out of the things I do to annoy her.
I heard today that Brian S. is going to be here next week, so I expect that I’ll be able to talk with him, get some questions answered, move things ahead a bit.
Tonight I again find myself in a tangle with [Guard1], the biggest asshole here. Seems that a request was put in for John and he accuses me of doing it, even threatened to send me to the hole. Tomorrow I’m going to put in a request to talk to him about his disrespectful behavior towards me. Then we’ll see him really freak out. Ha ha ha ah ha ha ha ha ha ha
Well this morning the shit hit the fan. It began with being able to work out an agreement with John and Moe that one of them would confess to writing the request (“I would like to have my collection of women’s underwear sent in and perhaps add to it, if you know what I mean” – John Collins) and I would agree, in exchange, to work out twice a day in the gym under their supervision, but it was not to be. [Counselor] was in out unit at eight thirty and she wasn’t happy. I was told to pack my bags and then they tried to send me to minimum [security], but I refused to go there so I was sent to the hole. I was put in lock up, same cell as last time.
I tried to argue that I should be sent to max [security]for observation so I could smoke, but no, [Counselor] was determined that I was going to minimum [security], and until I agreed, I would stay right where I was. In an attempt to force negotiations, I shit on the floor and then wrote “howdy ho” on the windows and rubbed shit all around. It stunk really, really bad in there. [nurse1] came in and when she saw it she said “Oh my god, is that feces?!” She was disgusted. Ha ha. My strategy worked and [Counselor] came in to talk.
I agreed to go to minimum [security] since [Supervisor] was out till Friday (its Wednesday) so I would have had to stay where I was and talk to him then to get to reg or max (so they told me). So now I’m in minimum. All the guys support me and are amused by the situation. Dave told me that I made the last month a lot more interesting for him, something he would never forget. Tyler and the gang in max were asking to have me put there. Rob and Doug are here, so I have some friends in minimum. I’m probably infamous among the inmates here. I expect that it will be awhile before they forget about me. Actually, I enjoy the attention I get for the silly things I do. Nothing I do is planned, but it always seems to blow up into a major event and unfortunately leads to me being transferred. I haven’t done anything serious or bad, so I don’t expect that it will affect my parole, although we heard that Brian S. was here today and I’m hoping he wasn’t told that I was in the hole.
We had a good AA meeting tonight. I was Chairman, got a few laughs from the crowd. All the guys that came in I’ve not met before. [Supervisor] M. was there. I like [Supervisor], he’s kinda funny, good natured, fun loving. Art from NA was there and gave a good speech, both amusing and interesting. We’re getting a pretty good crowd most nights. I think it helps to try to put some humor into it. After the meeting, I talked to John. We had a good laugh about this morning’s events. I guess [Counselor] chewed him out pretty good. It’s fun to be involved in practical jokes with John cause he has a great sense of humor. There’ll be some stories to tell when this is all over. I hope to keep in touch with John.
I’m disappointed that I got moved out of medium cause there were a lot of good guys up there. The days were going by quickly. Maybe it won’t be so bad down here, it’s certainly not my preference. Over all, I don’t really mind being in jail all that much. We made a lot of friends here and I have been enriched by them and I’ve had some good times. I just hope that I’ve helped to make the other guys’ time more enjoyable.
Today I got my own room which is a great relief as I hate sharing a room. The guy I was in with yesterday is alright, but I like my privacy.
I got a letter today from the Minister of Education, Chester Gillam.
He asked for more information and said that he will discuss the matter with officials from the Department of Justice. He seems willing to help and for that I am very pleased.
... I wrote several letters today: to Zeke (sent him some Skittles), [Valerie], Steven, and Anne. Every once in awhile I go on a letter writing spree. Tomorrow I hope to reply to Chester Gillam and perhaps write to Richard B. Also today, I wrote a letter for one of the guys here; a complaint about the nurse (bitch). She cut him off his Zanax and made some rude comments to him. Very unprofessional of her. He sent on copy to [Counselor] and I’ve suggested that he send another to the Nurses Union. Somebody has to straighten out that miserable fucking bitch.
The tournaments started here today. So far I’ve advanced one level in Crib and got a bag of Skittles from [Guard 4 for the snooker tournament in medium.
I found out from George N. that there aren’t any crossword puzzles here, so again I will pursue the matter. Eventually they’re going to have to give in. What a sweet victory that will be.
My mother and father came to visit this evening. It was nice to see them, but I didn’t really have any news for them about parole or anything (I hadn’t reviewed my letter at that point). Afterwards I got a full strip search (feet, ears, mouth) from that blonde haired prick whose name I can’t remember (Warren B., that’s it) He didn’t search Doug at all.
I saw [Guard 2] on the way back and asked him when I could go back to medium. I was surprised when he said, “in a week or so.” Earlier today I was told by Elsie that they would probably never take me back there.
I’m not finding it as bad here in minimum this time around. Most of the guys seem to be ok. I may commit myself to staying for a few weeks. It is noisy here and the guards are more intrusive?? But I think I can hack it for a few weeks. (This morning Lana told me to get up and make?? the bed and then go back to bed! What a stupid idea!)
I think I’ve been moved around more times than anybody in recent Sleepy Hollow history. I’m getting well known for that, especially by the kitchen staff. I’m well known throughout the jail for these things I do, but it keeps things interesting for me. Yesterday I saw Stacey B. for a minute in lockup. I guess he’s not all that well liked, but he and I have always gotten along fine. If I do move to max I suppose I’ll be seeing him.
I haven’t seen any TV since I came here. There’s just too many people here. And we can’t stay up late like we did in medium. I guess that’s the price I pay for writing silly requests, but it was worth it cause the memories are priceless and mine to keep forever. Of all that’s happened in the past two years, I don’t regret much. Now that the worst is over, I’m richer for having experienced it all. That, to me, is what life is all about.
This morning Elsie woke me up and told me to make my bed and then I could go back to bed, but just with one blanket over me!?! What a retarded idea. I did it though cause I didn’t feel like pissing her off this morning. This afternoon we had a talk about the book policy. I think we reached some sort of agreement that if I could prove that I needed an educational book for the technical writing course she would allow me to have it brought in. I’ll test her on that next week. No luck with the cross worlds through.
Stacey came in this afternoon. I wasn’t at all expecting him here, but it’s good to have him here. I guess he was pretty fucked up when he did the stabbing but he seems ok to me now. I hope that he gets his shit together.
Thane M. was in the building today but again he dodged me. What an asshole.
I’m getting to know the guys here. Seems like most of them are alright, easy to get along with. Tonight all of us watched South Park.
And I called [Janine] again and confirmed that she’s a bitch. Sounds like she expects me to be paying child support while you are in jail. And expects me to live in Souris and work in the fish plant or some bullshit job. I’m getting the feeling that she’s using the kids as a weapon against me. She’s so fucking sick in the head. I’m sure now that we’ll never be together again. I just hope she doesn’t fuck up my parole application. I don’t even like to think about her because if I get involved in her head games it will only make my time longer. I’m beginning to understand why the word ex-wife is synonomous with cunt.
I lost out on all the tournaments today. No skittles. All the games were close but still no skittles. And I managed to stay up all day without taking a nap. I think that means I like it here better than last time.
Doug was talking about his mental health and how he is ordered to take urine and blood tests by the courts. He’s also had shock treatment which, I gather, is very unpleasant. It was interesting to hear him talk about it.
I almost manipulated (?) Geogina into looking up the eye care policy in the policies and procedures book but she didn’t get around to doing it. Oh well, worth a try anyway.
Rob gave me his pill tonight (novaran ?). I think I got a bit of a buzz from it. I think I did. I miss getting high. Yeah, I do.
I slept all day today. I didn’t get up (except for meals) till 5:00. I hate Sundays so this helped pass the day. I didn’t get any visits but I wasn’t expecting anyone. I think I have more friends in here than I have outside. Most of the people I know out there are only friends when drugs are involved.
I was secretary at AA tonight – a rather boring meeting. Afterwards, John was telling me about his plans to form an inmate committee (until Moe talked him out of it). I had been interested in that a while back but got nowhere because no one was really interested. It might be time to make another attempt.
I wrote another silly request tonight (“I want to take a god-damn anger management course”).
Now I’m wondering if Elsie would “turn me up” (as John would say) for it. I don’t really care. I think I’m powerless over writing silly messages and my life has become unmanageable.
Elsie was slightly unhappy this morning about my request for the god-damn anger management course (actually, I think she was amused). she also questioned me about my letter to Zeke but at the end she understood that it was just something to amuse Steven.
I wrote letters this afternoon to Chester Gillam and Richard Brown.
I’m hoping for some sort of response. I think I’ve done all I can about the book policy. Now I just have to wait and see what happens.
... I also spoke to Irene today and asked her for help in looking up treatment centers and info from Seneca College on the internet. She said she would be able to do some research later in the week.
I worked out again tonight. It’s getting to be a regular thing now. I’ve gained 2 pounds but I’m not sure if that’s good or bad. I’ve been eating less so I hope its muscle and not fat. Still got quite a gut on me though. I must be eating too many deserts in the kitchen. Kinda have to though cause the meals suck.
I was at church tonight. I had a few laughs during the singing and saw John, Tyler, and Mike. I haven’t had a nap all day so I should sleep well tonight.
I’m hoping that Geogina will be working tomorrow so I can get some info about the parole. I just need to get some idea of whats going on.
This has been a long boring day. Usually, I like Tuesdays but this one just seemed to go on forever. This morning I was able to use the computer for an hour which was good for a change. Susan has a typing tutor which I kind of enjoyed (I’m at 12 wpm). Andrew was there too, making a drawing of Mr. Hankey with the paintbrush thing. I don’t think I did anything this afternoon. I can’t remember doing anything.
I picked up some old books at the library this evening and was at the gym too. Tomorrow I’m going to speak to Elsie about working in the library, to clean out some of the old books and try to arrange donations. I’d like to do this but I expect they’ll find some excuse to disallow it. What a bunch of bastards I have to deal with here!
This day went by quickly. This morning I played with the typing tutor and got my speed up to 18 wpm – making progress. After that I went to the library. I am going to work there sorting out books, organizing, trying to get more books. This job will allow me to get pizza and pop on Fridays with the kitchen and laundry workers.
Elsie suggested to me this morning that I should write my memoirs. Not the first time that I’ve been told that. She seems to be amused by my requests.
This afternoon the AIDS Society came in and put on a session about, of course, AIDS, and the spread of the disease through needles. They gave out condoms but [Counselor] took them away from us because they are contraband, a very stupid naïve way of thinking, it seems to me.
This evening we had an AA meeting at which I was the Chairman. I enjoy being Chairman and am enjoying the meetings more now.
And so tomorrow I will begin work at the library and I’m expecting a visit from my mother, Steven, and hopefully Victoria too.
Kept myself fairly busy today. I went to the computer room at 1:00 and stayed there till 4. I’m at 23 WPM now. I’m enjoying the typing tutor. If I stay on Susan’s good side I might be able to get [Microsoft] Word brought in too. I think I’ll be starting in the library tomorrow unless something comes up (not with me, with Susan. I’m never busy).
I spent most of the evening playing rummy with Gordie, Donnie, and Larry – killed most of the evening doing that.
I finally got to talk to someone at Legal Aid today about retrieving my property. Brenda said she would get back to me about it next week. I suppose she probably won’t call me back though. That would be normal for those people. I was expecting a visit today but nobody showed up. Oh well, maybe Sunday.
Today, I heard that I won’t be going to Holland College on Monday. They’re going to come out here instead. I’m disappointed about that but it’s not up to me.
I got to work on the computer again for a few hours today. I really enjoy that. I’m at 24 WPM now, about the same as yesterday, but it’s getting easier for me. I haven’t started on the library yet but Susan is going to arrange some time to do it next week, probably in the evenings which would be good for me. I got to go for pizza and pop this afternoon. That was nice for a change. I haven’t had pop all year. And I was working out at the gym this evening. Rob tells me that I look a little bigger. That’s encouraging. I’ll have to keep at it. I’d be happy if I could lose my gut.
So theweekend is here. I’m sure that time will be long but I can get lots of sleep cause the guards don’t bother us much on weekends.
This morning I shaved off half my mustache. Rob shaved circles on his cheeks and Larry shaved an arrow on his head. We agreed on this last night. Larry looks pretty silly. I suppose I do too. We spent most of the day playing rummy. Jeff mentioned that he had some Ritalin at home so we’re trying to talk him into bringing them in next weekend.
Things are alright in this unit but I still think I’d rather be in medium with John, Richard and Terry, cause they’re closer to my age and we get along pretty well. But I can probably handle it here for a few more weeks. As long as I get to work in the library time will go by fairly quickly.
Nobody came to visit today. I was surprised and kinda disappointed by that. Everybody else got a visit except me. I tried Ritalin today. Got one from one of the guys. I got a nice buzz off it, enjoyed it, found it a little coke but much milder. Hoping some more comes in next weekend.
Rob got pretty fucked up on a sleeping pill this evening. The guard was staring at him so I hope he doesn’t get a piss test. Sometimes it seems like he doesn’t want to get out, likes it here. Go figure.
This month is winding down. This morning I cleaned up the unit, the first time I did a clean up since I came to jail. Whoever cleans up gets control of the remote for the day and I wanted to prevent them from watching some stupid movie tonight, and I did.
I got a message today that Anne called. They wouldn’t let me call her back and wouldn’t let me talk to her when she called (this fucked up place). I’m uncomfortable about calling her back cause I’d have to call collect. I also got a message from Brian S. that he’s coming here tomorrow to see me. That’s good news. And another message from Holland College that they are coming here Friday to interview me. And then another message from Irene that she has information for me and has mailed it to me. So this should be a good week for me.
I asked Stacy to talk to the [Provincial] Minister about getting some books donated for the library. I haven’t actually started working there but I guess I’ve been hired. I’m using the computer every day during the week and the Anger Management course might be starting this week, so I’ll keep busy anyway between all that and playing rummy.
I gave Gordie some advice about [indiscipherable] medication this evening which I hope is helpful to him. I get along well with him (I’d like to meet his sister) and most of the guys in here. All is well. All I need is a parole date to look forward to.
Brian Smith showed up to talk to me today so he can get to work on the parole application. He seems like a good guy. His biggest concern is that the parole board would be hesitant to release me because of my long history of drug abuse. I’ve done all I can to deal with it so I can only hope for the best. There is a possibility I could be gone to Summerside to take the program in May. Finally there is an end in sight. I will try to contact Summerside Detox tomorrow to see if a bed is available.
This afternoon, I went to the first session of Anger Management, it went good – 2 hours. John is in it too. After that I worked at the computers again so I had a rather busy day (for here). This evening we had a unit meeting to discuss things that are bothering us, which Stacey will discuss with Elsie tomorrow. I told him to ask for crossword puzzles, so it will be interesting to see how she reacts to that.
Tomorrow, I must see if I can get my computer disc from personnel? so I can get my resume done and sent to Canadian [airlines]. According to Brian it will not be much trouble for me to move to Ontario. As this day ends I’m feeling hopeful and optimistic.
I also got a certificate in the main from Holland College saying that I had successfully completed the Internet Course I had signed up for but didn’t take because I got sent to jail. Look’s like I got my money’s worth anyway.
I’ve got an application for outside privileges which I should find out about tomorrow. I’d like to get out now that spring is here.
This is my 3rd notebook plus I’ve written about 100 more pages. Rather prolific, I would say.
This morning we had a unit meeting with Elsie which turned out well. She’s pretty reasonable to deal with. We gained some new privileges and lost nothing. A very fair deal for us and she never really said anything about my request. She took them as a joke as they were intended.
Went to Anger Management and worked on computers again today, my routine, keeping myself busy.
I received a response from Hostess Chips in the mail about my out of date chips, which included a couple coupons for free chips. It often pays to complain.
(reg makes a request to see Paul MacKenzie of the Summerside Treatment facility - note that he writes his name and much of the request backwards!)
Got a visit today from my mother and father which went alright. No bad news. I can’t think of much that happened at all today besides that. Just the usual stuff. Things are pretty routine. I got my outside privileges so I might go out tomorrow for a walk. I’m going to start going out now that winter is over.
I chaired the AA meeting tonight. Moe showed up to say goodbye. I’ll kinda miss Moe – he’s a good fellow. Rob heard today that he got his parole so he’ll be leaving us soon. Maybe I’ll be next …
Went outside today – first time out except for the bullpen. I didn’t like it – too cold. I think I’ll stay in for a few more weeks. Nothing to do out there but smoke. Holland College came out to give me my test. It was pretty easy, I think I did well. I think my brain is working better than it has in years.
I wrote a letter on the computer to send out for book donations. If Susan OK’s it, Monday we’ll send out a bunch of copies. Rob went to the hole tonight. I wasn’t around (sleeping) but I guess he asked to go because he thought he might flip out. Over what I don’t know. I think he’s a bit mixed up about leaving next week (it ain’t such a bad place).
I’ve been a wee bit cranky towards him lately and I’m feeling a bit guilty about that. It is a bit stressful living here with ten other guys in this small space. We got the Axis and Allies game in today – looks complicated. I’d like to get it figured out before Rob comes back so we can play. Now that I’d like to be in John’s unit because he played it before. All in all, this has been a good week for me, if everything goes well I’ll be out in five or six more weeks if everything goes well …
I didn’t do much of anything today. I wrote a letter to [Pauline]. Trying to make her happy since I forgot to write to her, never thought of it actually. Rob got out of the hole today. I guess he asked to go there because he was upset when he heard there were rumours going around that he was gay. I think he should expect that if he is going to go around hugging everybody. Seems like he’s getting on my nerves lately. He’s a good guy but he’s acting a bit weird lately, probably just needs to get out. I hope my time comes soon.
As of today, I’ve been in here five months. But today has been long and boring. I suppose the best part was playing snooker with Rob for the tournament. All three games came down to the last ball but he got the last game (and first), so he won the skittles. We’re of about equal skill, I would say.
I was looking forward to AA tonight cause I thought Brian and Danny and Trevor would be coming out from the North End group, but they didn’t come, so it was just another boring AA meeting.
I’m going to ask about going to medium tomorrow. I’m really getting sick of everybody always watching movies all day.
Time seems to be slowing down. Time is elastic. Brian S. called me at 7:30 this morning. He’s very good to return calls (I called him Friday afternoon). Sounds like he’s getting down to business with my application. He called what’s her face (Georgina?) this afternoon to ask how I’ve been doing. He told me he’s working towards the first of May. If so, I’ll have only one month left. Ya-hoo.
This morning I completed some letters on the computer which I hope will get sent out soon to ask for book donations. I’d like to have the library finished before I leave. That will be my legacy here … Anger Management was cancelled again today for some unknown reason … I got an envelope in the mail but it had someone else’s letter in it (?) – somebody fucked up …
I was going to skip church tonight but they came looking for me so I went, I was disappointed that Tyler wasn’t there – I may not see him again, after he gets sentenced on Wednesday … We have a game of rummy here every night before lockdown which I find enjoyable. I will miss hanging around with some of these guys when I get out. Oh well, one more day and we’ll be into April, hopefully my last month here.
I didn’t make an entry yesterday because I was busy sleeping. It was a dull day except for two events. In the morning, at breakfast, this weirdo guard was working. He has a think about putting the silverware in the bucket in threes, so we put all the silverware in a pile and Stacey passed him four pieces. He threw them on the table and yelled, “split em out boys, in threes, right quick!” At which we all laughed our heads off (just an expression), and last night we tried to get Doug with a shaving cream bomb but it sort of backfired. I got it all over myself. It was good for a laugh anyway.
This morning Doug got out on parole. He’s-a-gone. Also this morning I got [Counselor] to call Anne for me then Anne called me back. She’s been calling for weeks but couldn’t get through. It was nice talking to her. She has a nice sense of humor and she’s very pleasant. I really hope I can get to Ontario and work with her at Canadian [Airlines]. This afternoon, I finished typing up my letter, I mean resume. The next time I get at the computer I’m going to write a cover letter and get it out to Canadian …
Anger Management was cancelled again today (this is starting to make me angry). All week its been cancelled and so has most of the computer time.
Every day seems like a holiday, and Easter weekend is coming so its gonna be a long week altogether … Since Doug is gone we need a new co-chairman for AA. I’ve asked John and I think he’ll do it starting Sunday. He was writing his GED’s tonight. They should be good meetings with me and John both in charge … Our unit is down to eight or nine guys which is a more comfortable level. I kinda like it here now, most of them are alright, the rest I can put up with. Of course that doesn’t mean I won’t be glad to get out of here. Now that the winter is over, freedom seems much more attractive.
April 1
Another “holiday” for staff here today. Anger Management and computers both were cancelled, this makes the days seem so long … Gordie was released today for a new trial, I kinda liked having him around and tomorrow Rob is going to Summerside. Almost all of the old crew is gone now except John and I. I hope to be next …
I was kinda fucked up last night and this morning, groggy and confused, from taking a couple of Robs bug pills (norinan?) last night … I was outside again today but I didn’t like it out there – too damn cold … no visits today, I hope they’ll be in to see me on Sunday, after all, it’s Easter …
I told [Guard1] to fuck off today in Polish. We got a good laugh out of that. He’s such a pinhead. Tomorrow the long holiday weekend starts. I think it’s gonna be a long one.
Good Friday. Long boring Friday. Holidays suck when you’re in jail. What really bugs me is not getting a newspaper. I asked Georgina to bring one in but she didn’t … I cleaned up today so I got the remote. So we didn’t have to watch some stupid movie tonight.
John’s getting out tomorrow so that shouldn’t be such a problem anyway … We got Rob with the shaving cream this morning – all over his head and his bed. He went to Summerside this evening. I’m not sure if he wanted to get out or not. Mixed emotions, I guess. I’ve made a lot of friends in here too. But change always comes for good or for bad. We all gotta move on …
Stacey overheard Joyce on the phone saying that the Minister is a queer and something is going on with him and Stacey. Naturally, he’s pretty upset. I hope Joyce gets in some shit over this. She treats us all with no respect. She’s a bitch. A lot of the staff here are bitches or pricks. Must be a prerequisite for employment here. Their negative attitude seems to be a part of their job. Unfortunately, this sort of behavior is accepted by the management of this place. I suppose if nobody complains they get away with it and this in turn fosters it. I fail to see how places like this do anybody any good. Some people have to be locked up to protect society if their crimes are serious enough but for most of us here its just a waste of time. Just a waste of time.
I slept till five o’clock today so it was a short day and I’ve not much to say … we had a good joke set up for John last night, a bucket of water against the door and a can of shaving cream to go under but Larry fell asleep so it didn’t happen. Too bad, so sad …
I wrote a letter to the Minister of Justice this evening to ask about PEI’s policy on rehabilitation and a letter to Rockport to complain about the moldy tobacco. Hope I get some answers before I get out … and that’s about all I did today.
My mother told me that [Janine] is coming in tomorrow so I’m looking forward to seeing [Valerie] (and Steven if he comes) and they say that [Pauline] was happy to get my letter so that makes me happy too. Tonight, I go to bed happy.
Another long one. I was expecting a visit from [Janine] but she didn’t show. Might be the weather but I suspect that if Flaky’s were on sale at Sobey’s she’d make her way in. These are the things that piss me off …
Had our first AA meeting with John as Secretary tonight. I think it’ll be fun doing the meetings with him. Larry and I spent some time tonight planning to stir up some shit to annoy the staff. And tomorrow, I’m going to help a few of the guys write letters of complaint against the beast, [Nurse]. Might be an interesting day tomorrow …
Even though it’s a holiday we had to get up for breakfast this morning, fucking place. We all moved to the far end of the kitchen because Stacey gets pissed off at the guards staring at us. Larry tried to sit with the guards but they sent him away. I didn’t really do anything today but sleep and watch tv, a model inmate, I suppose … Well, I did shit in a tobacco can. I’m saving it for a joke me and Larry are planning. Larry’s up for anything. If I didn’t have to worry about parole, we’d wreck the place … after lockup Larry and Kevin sat around in my room to talk for a while, until Nancy sent us to bed … I’m hoping that things are back to normal around here tomorrow so I can work on my resume and got some letters sent. I helped Larry and Kevin write letters of complaint about the nurse today. She’s such a bitch.
Anger Management started again today. I kinda enjoy this course. Everybody talks about things that bug them and I find it interesting … and, Thane from Legal was here today, finally. He still hadn’t even mailed my letter which I sent to him on Feb. 25 He gave it back and asked me to remove any reference to him - a spineless coward. I asked him to get my sentence transcript. I may get out earlier on parole if I can get a copy of that. I did get my letter in the mail today and Larry and [Counselor] were working on theirs too.
Stacey had a talk with [Counselor] to complain about the nurse and ask if she could call the Nurses Association and invite a rep to come out here and talk to us. [Counselor] won’t allow this. They all cover each others ass out here. She suggested to Stacey that things would get difficult for him if he persisted in complaining and also referred to me as a troublemaker …
I had a look at my file today. There’s nothing negative in it but I was annoyed that my assessment of Doug Faithfuls drug course was in it and this was supposed to be anonymous when it was handed in. I put in a complaint about him and I hope I get to confront the spineless little bastard tomorrow … this evening they put a child molester in with us.
Everything was going alright, I’m comfortable here, getting along with everybody and then they put this sick bastard piece os shit in here. This guy commits the worst possible crime and is given a 2 ½ month sentence, there’s something wrong with the justice system. I don’t think that I get angry often but I really did when this guy came in. we agreed not to do anything to him tonight but if he’s not gone tomorrow, I’m asking for a transfer to another unit. I hope that I don’t have to go but I’m not comfortable having this guy in here. He should have to spend his entire sentence in the hole. Nothing should come easy for him.
Today I find myself back in max, via the hole. Last night, most of our unit had decided we didn’t want the pedophile in our unit. Larry was the first to complain this morning. Elsie told him he was going to medium, but Stacey talked him out of it and talked Elsie into letting him stay and then it was my turn. I told her I didn’t want him there. She said, “well, you can go back to lockup if you want”, I took this as a threat so I said ok. I’m not going to let anyone intimidate me. Stacey was disappointed and offered to intervene but I didn’t want him to. I’m hoping that this will get them even more pissed off at the fag. That piece of shit should do his whole sentence in lockup, but no, he gets special treatment, even comes in with a new pair of sneakers (Stacy’s been trying to get his for 2 weeks now). So I spent the afternoon in lockup and then, I got sent to max. Vern seemed to be kind of annoyed when I got here and wouldn’t put me in Tyler’s unit.
So I’m back in the centre unit with two guys from Souris who I never heard of before. So far, I like it here. It is so much quieter. It’s like a vacation. The guards don’t bother you here. What I don’t like is that all of the old gang is in medium now. Elsie told me they won’t take me in medium but from here I might have a better chance. I’ll be very pleased if I can get from here [this is a tongue-in-cheek reference to an REM song, I believe]. Another problem is that I might not be able to finish the Anger Management course from here in March or work on the computers. That I will find out tomorrow. Anyway, I’m not unhappy about being here, but I did like hanging around with Larry. I was hoping that we’d be able to go to medium. I have his phone number anyway so I can get hold of him after I get out. I don’t think my being sent here will have any affect on my parole. Although it might not look good if I don’t finish the Anger Management course. But that’s out of my control now. Whatever comes next, I shall remain an optimist.
I found out today that the reason [Janine] was coming in Sunday was to tell me that she has filed for a Legal Separation. Apparently she has been working on this since February but kept it a secret. What a gutless bitch. I’m neither surprised not disappointed. I’m actually feeling relieved. I knew that it was all over. It probably could have been worked out if she wanted to talk about it, but I’m glad it turned out this way. I don’t find her any fun to be with anymore. She’s only 29 but she seems like a 50 year old woman. My biggest regret is that I won’t be around to see [Valerie] and Steven grow up and I suspect that to them she will make me out to be the bad guy. Anyway, I will leave the place a free man, in every way.
I had a good talk with [Counselor] today, a calm reflectional conversation. Seems that she considers me a bad influence on the guys in medium so I may not be going back there. She’s going away for a week so I guess we’ll discuss it when she gets back. I have the option of going back to minimum but I’m not interested. I made my stand and I can’t back down now. No turning back. I’ve asked Leo to move me over to Tylers unit but he doesn’t want to. I’ll have to try again tomorrow. I must also see if I can arrange a special visit for [Janine].
Tried to get moved to Tylers unit today but it seems that they don’t want me and Tyler together. I’m not wanted in too many places in this jail. Good thing I’m getting out soon. Brian S. told me today that we’re still aiming for the first of May. So that’s good but I hope [Janine] doesn’t say anything bad about me. I’m still disturbed by how she was going to let the Legal papers arrive without telling me in advance. What have I done to deserve that sort of treatment? How can she be so cold hearted?
I was allowed to go to Anger Management today. I like these sessions – glad that I am allowed to finish it.
Last night I hardly slept at all. I was really sick – sore back, sore stomach. I felt like I was coming off heroin again. I talked to Jennifer about it tonight. I couldn’t get any extra pills out of her but she’s nice to talk to. She’s so nice. I like her. She and I would make cute babies. I think it’s some sort of stomach flu that I have. I’m hoping that it will be gone tomorrow.
I noticed today that they’ve got the library all torn apart to put in the new shelves. [Supervisor] told me that I may still be able to help out. I’d really enjoy that. The staff might start bringing in their used books now that they see something going on in there.
I’m not really pleased with the company in this unit. John’s ok, but then the other two, I believe, are pinheads. But at least they’re South Park watching pinheads … One of them watches “The Waltons” every night – fucking farm boy. Well, the gravol seems to have taken my pain away so now I shall go to bed.
I’m really bored here. I don’t like these guys I’m in with. They are pinheads, especially the new guy. I might ask about going to Barry’s unit.
I’m still feeling sick too. This really sucks. My stomach is always sore and my back hurts. I wish I had some pills to knock me out for a couple of days.
Sick.
Sick.
Finally getting over this stomach flu or whatever it is. I felt like I was going through heroin withdrawal the past few days. I suppose the bright side is that I lost some weight cause I’ve hardly eaten any meals since Sunday … We got a real bunch of pinheads in this unit. Usually I get along with everybody but I don’t care for these idiots at all. One scruffbag doesn’t want anybody to shower in the morning, so I do it anyway just to piss him off. What a bunch of pinheads. And also some of the ugliest guys I’ve ever seen. Dirty, ugly, pinheads … Susan took me down to the computer room this afternoon so I was able to finish my resume and cover letter and got them printed as well. If everything goes ok, I should have them in the mail next week.
… I’m really starting to look forward to getting out of here. After this last move I’m getting so tired of the bullshit around here. I don’t know how some of these people can live with themselves, such a sour miserable bunch of bastards. Seems like they exist only to make things difficult for us. I just don’t get it. [Supervisor] Trainor probably walks out of here every day saying, “wow, I had a great day. I fucked Reg around, I fucked Tyler around, I fucked John around a lot …”
My health is better today. I think part of my sickness is self induced by not eating. But I just wasn’t hungry the past few days. I asked to see the doctor but she said he wasn’t in today. I’m now wondering if she lied to me. I heard her ask another inmate if he wanted to see a doctor. She was kinda sucking up to a guy in medium because he’s upset with her for taking away his pills. He, being smart for an Indian I suppose, has gotten his lawyer involved. She’s not gonna keep getting away with this bullshit
… they sent us all to the gym this morning so they could search the unit. Nothing was found. I’m surprised that someone ([Supervisor]) could work here five days a week and yet be so out of touch as to order a search when there are no drugs around … hmmm …
... instead of waiting in the gym I was able to go and help out in the library sorting out the old books. There’s a lot of shitty books there (I found one called “Chocolate Charlie”, about a black boy. I think you could call that racist). Susan and I prepared a letter to send out to bookstores and libraries but it seems that [Supervisor] has stalled it. What a bonehead …
I finally sent out my application to Canadian today. I’m anxious now to see what kind of response I get … we finished the Anger Management course today. It was a fairly good course – George is an ok guy. Too bad the rest of them are such assholes …
This unit is getting filled up again. How come that always happens after I get here? I would have enjoyed the peace and quiet. Instead, I spend all my time in my room cause the guys I’m in with are idiots.
[Counselor] is back tomorrow so maybe, not likely but maybe, she’ll move me. It might help if she sees that I am working in the library. I’ll not get my hopes up though … A cop was here today to get my fingerprints. Laurie McLure from Souris. He told me he used to go fishing with my grandfather at the brook. I must ask dad about that place. Apparently, we used to own it. I should have asked him some questions about my grandfather. I regret that now. I wish I knew more about him.
I heard from Thane today that my sentence calculation started on November 25 so it looks like I won’t get full parole until June 15, so I’ve got 2 more months yet – 2 weeks more here (that’s all – I hope) and then six weeks in Summerside. And then, if all goes well, I’ll be making plans for Ontario. And it all gets better from there.
My mothers birthday and she was in to visit today. She’ll be back again Sunday with Steven and [Valerie] if I can arrange an open visit. I’m not sure I can do that cause Lorrie and Leo are both out tomorrow and [Supervisor] is an asshole … No word from him today on whether or not I can go to medium. I’m not really expecting it but there are a lot of guys in maximum, it’s almost full, so they might have to move some of us out. It should only be a couple more weeks here anyway although parole hasn’t yet contacted anyone in Souris.
… I was at the library again this morning. I threw out a lot of books that nobody would read. And Susan taught me the MicMac word for beer, although I can’t remember it now. Something about yeast sooga or something like that. I should have wrote it down … Every day in here gets just a little bit longer. I’m ready to move on. This month is my fifteenth in custody, in one form or another - a long time, such a long time.
It now appears that I will have to spend the rest of my time here in max. Apparently, medium wants nothing to do with me. What a silly place this is. I really hope nothing goes wrong and I get out as planned. … Richard is getting out too, in a couple of weeks and returning to Toronto. I hope to get his number and make contact. I wish I was able to spend some time here with him and John before I left but I guess that won’t be possible.
John … told me this morning that [nurse1] has put a remark on his parole papers about being suspected of taking creatine. Again, she plays the bitch. And she’s good at it …
Susan took me down to work on the computers this afternoon. I’m glad she is here. She has probably been more helpful than anyone here for me. Yesterday she taught me the MicMac word for beer (bos yeast sa boo). So now I can say beer in ten languages. I be a linguist …South Park tonight was about Kyles parents getting divorces and how it fucked up his life. I wonder if Steven was watching it (of course he was) and what he was thinking about. Even if only for his sake I think [Janine] should have tried to make things work out. I’m glad that I’m free but I’m sad about what happens to him and [Valerie]. It is them who are the victims, unfortunately.
Just another long boring eventless day.
I slept just about all day yesterday. It’s extremely boring here. Well I read a lot too, finished “Black Light” [by Elizabeth Hand] – not bad.
Today is another boring day … I sent a letter to Verna yesterday asking her to explain why I can’t go to medium and today [Supervisor] gave it back to me and said “Verna agrees with my decision”. I was expecting a written response so I told [Supervisor] to give it back to her and tell her to put her reply in writing. I believe that I deserve that much. …
I got a list of treatment centres in Ontario from [Supervisor] and I’ve written a letter which I hope to type up and send to about 15 places. I think Kitchener or Hamilton would be my preferred location. I’m getting kinda excited about going to Ontario. I don’t know what I’ll do if I don’t get my parole … I asked Les again about moving to Tyler’s unit but he didn’t really give me an answer so maybe that means no. I learned one of the guys over there is a Sampson from Souris, [Supervisor]’s cousin …
I was at church tonight, which, I like cause we get to mingle with the guys from the other units. It’s the only time that Max is allowed to do so. John told me that he is considering suing [nurse1], the bitch. I hope he does. She should be stopped, such a bitch. Tomorrow, I can begin my 10 day countdown till I’m outta this place. Time to make like horseshit and hit the trail.
Today I was able to get moved over to the other unit, with Tylers help. The company is much better. I heard [Supervisor] telling Tyler that he was concerned that I would start writing letters and that was why he didn’t want me in here. I hadn’t heard that explanation before (it wasn’t what [Counselor] told me) so I’m going to ask [Supervisor] about it and request a written explanation. Other than that, not much happened today.
We played Scrabble and Risk, which I haven’t played since the last time I was here. My time should go by a bit faster in this unit. I’m anxious to hear some more about my parole. I hope everything is ok.
Heard some disappointing news today. My mother said she was told that there were no beds left for the May program. If not, I’ll be spending another month here. I hope to find out for sure tomorrow. I don’t want to spend another month here especially now that I’m so close to getting out. I hate this fucking system … I had a talk / argument with [Supervisor] today about why I’m being held here. I heard him say yesterday that it was because of my letters but he denied that. I can’t believe a word that comes out of his mouth. Man of a thousand faces …
[Janine]s separation papers came today. I’m thinking that I really should talk to a lawyer about this before I sign anything. The money that the cops gave her is going to be a snag because I’m going to insist on receiving that before I sign … they moved two guys over to the other unit so things are good here now; just four of us: Me, Tyler, Jason and Tom. My time is going by much better here. Over there I was spending it alone in my room but here I find it much more relaxing to be able to play Scrabble or Risk or watch something good on tv.
Couldn’t get any news today. Brian S. is out till Monday, at the parole hearing in Moncton, I suppose, Paul M. at Summerside Detox wasn’t in and my mother didn’t come in. So I’m not sure when I’ll get the answers but I’m preparing myself to be disappointed. Good luck hasn’t often come my way the past year. … Tom went to medium today so now it’s just me, Tyler, and Jason. But Larry is in lockup and might be coming here. I’d like to have him in with us …
I was able to see my file today – nothing too incriminating in it, but [Supervisor] said there was stuff I wasn’t allowed to see. I should have asked him about that …
George finally got some crossword puzzles in today. I’m pleased about that … I’m really getting tired of this place though. Got get out, gotta get away … Tiger Bay …
The pills came in today. Tyler was right out of it at supper and [Guard 3] took him to the lock-up shortly afterward. I didn’t take any cause it was too risky now with the Detox thing coming up if it happens. Although, I did hear Jolie say that she didn’t want to take the program next month, so maybe there will be an opening. I’ll cross my fingers …
I’m no longer getting chicken instead of fish. They’re always giving me leftovers now or some other shit, a sandwich. I’m wondering if the nurse is behind this (I think they’re searching Tylers room right now – hope there’s nothing in there. He has some oil [hash oil] too.) It’s going to be quiet around here without Tyler. I suppose they’ll keep him for a few days. I’m wondering if they’re going to search my room. I’m expecting a piss test tomorrow morning at least. I’ve got something up my arse right now and I don’t know what to do with it.
Major fuck up here today. They wouldn’t let me have my visit. Michelle told me at quarter to one that they were here. I waited and waited and then at quarter after one they said there was ‘complications’. Five minutes later Bill came and said he couldn’t let them in cause they were expecting my mother and not [Janine]. This is incredibly stupid. They sent them back to Souris. Things are so fucked up around here. Not one of those bastards has an ounce of compassion in their bodies. They are so focused on punishment they can’t even be human. What’s worse is that its really the kids that get punished, more so than me. The system here is just so terrible. I don’t know how these people can live with themselves. I called home this evening and everybody was pissed off. I suppose we’re partly to blame for not saying [Janine] was coming but who would ever expect something like this to happen? I’ll be so glad to get out of here.
My mother found out that my name is on the list for the May program so there is hope that I’ll be gone next week. Oh, please … my mother told me that they think [Valerie] is going to be left-handed. That is good news to me.. I wish I would have seen her today. Maybe next week … Tyler is still in lock up. It’s pretty quiet without him here, he makes things interesting. I played a few games of Scrabble with Jason today (he was pretty stoned) but most of the time I just watched tv. I had a relaxing day. I just hope its all over next week though. I gotta get out of here.
And another weekend comes to its end. Well it may be my last one here, I wonder. Except for the fuck up with the visit, things went well. Time really does go faster in max. I don’t know if I would take a move now if they offered it to me. I’m content where I am. I’ve got things to do tomorrow, letters to write, complaints to put in, calls to make … tonight I go to bed hoping to receive good news tomorrow that I’ve been waiting for. Please ….
I didn’t get the news I was hoping for today. Brian S. told me that the Detox has me rescheduled for May 31. But my [mother] says that Peter called for her and the they told [Counselor] it was the 3rd. She’s going to check it out tomorrow, so there is still some hope. There’s always hope, as Santa would say … Susan took me down to the library this morning to sort some books. Thank god she’s here but I think this is her last week. Mine too please …
Tyler came back this evening. So things are back to normal. But we got a new guy too – some kid from St. John who wants to watch hockey. No sports in this unit though … Fire alarm just went off – second time in a week. This is getting annoying … they fed us liver for supper, also the second time in a week. That’s even more annoying, disgusting really. I don’t know how anyone can eat that shit. I’m making a lot of meals out of peanut butter lately. I’m really looking forward to Pizza Delight and Kentucky Fried Chicken … and then the Big Slice [a Toronto pizza chain].
I heard some interest[ing] news today from my mother. [reg learns that his ex-wife is now seeing someone - which is acceptable to everyone, but Reg is devastated]. ... ’m stunned. … must be extremely lonely. Wow. … I think I just fully realized how much I must care for them now. I’m going to have to try hard to be a really good father and maybe someday I will have custody. I think now that this is the reason that prompted her to go for the separation.
Her lawyer called me today and said that [Janine] was in a panic to get it signed before I got out.&nb, [!*!] her. I’ll sign it when I’m good and ready to sign it ...
[Valerie] is too young to know what’s going on. I wish I could be a bigger influence in her life. This situation makes me uncomfortable to say the least … … …
… the good news today is that my mother confirmed that I am on the list for the May 3 program. I only hope Brian S. is able to get it cleared in time. After all its only 6 days away. I’m getting so anxious to get on with my life. There’s so much out there to be experienced.
Another day of Scrabble. Tyler seems to win almost all the games. Jason is going to medium tomorrow so it will be just me and Tyler here for the weekend, unless some comes in tomorrow. One of Tylers friends brought in some Demerol today. Interesting to know that it might be easily available as it does not show up on pee tests. Might be just the ticket for a guy in rehab.
… this morning I got a letter from the Attorney General, a response to a letter I wrote to Lawrence MacAuley two months ago. It seems to be quite a coincidence as I mentioned in yesterdays letter to Mr. MacAuley that I had not received a response. I’m suspicious that my letter yesterday may have been opened. The letter I received today was also opened and then taped shut. I don’t trust these bastards. I hope I am able to talk to Lawrence about this place after I get out …
I called [Janine]s lawyer this morning and told her that I would not sign the agreement as is, and explained my reasons to her which I think were quite valid. [Janine] is going to be pissed, no doubt, still playing the bitch. Apparently, she has threatened to keep the kids from my parents. Looks like she plans to use the kids as a weapon. She’s a very bitter woman. I wish I knew why. I may never know, because I don’t expect that she wants to talk …
Tomorrow is the day when I find out when I’m getting out. I’m looking forward to some good news.
Things didn’t work out today; no word from Brian. So I’ll be in this fucking hole for another month. Very disappointing to say the least. But I was prepared to accept this, disappointment has become a familiar feeling to me this past year. Nobody is in any hurry to help me out around here … I was able to meet with
Verna today and she gave in on the books. She’s going to buy me NA books and allow me to have educational books brought in. I think she was trying to placate me in case I got out today. Anyway, it’s a good thing as long as I can get access to the library and computer room for max. I think Susan is finished working here so I expect that to be difficult. There’s always something to fuck things up …
I called [Janine] this evening and explained my reasons for not wanting to sign the agreement. She seemed to accept my decision, but who knows what she’s really thinking. ... I’m better off without her. Too bad there’s kids involved. Somewhere out there I’ll find something better.